Anniversary Talk

A celebration of passing

Celebrations, one day at a time

In the 1980s, the cancer survival rate was nowhere near where it is today. Also, treatment to mitigate pain and suffering had not been developed to its current level. The big “C” was truly scary as hell. Certainly, the worst types of cancer are still fearsome, although there is hope—if not for a long life, at least a longer one—and prayerfully, one that is free of as much pain as possible.

My friend lost his mother in the 80s to cancer and it was a horror show until the very end. A scant two years later, his father was diagnosed with prostate cancer and once again father and son were faced with fighting the big “C.”

John and I had worked together for several years and in addition to our relationship at work we had become fast friends. When he told me about his father’s diagnosis—on the heels of his mother’s death—I immediately realized how he must feel.

As his father began treatment, John decided to adopt a positive mindset regarding his father’s chances of success in beating the disease. He began by celebrating the end of each day as an anniversary of his dad surviving the cancer. Each evening, John would visit with his father, either at home or at the hospital. They would discuss the treatment and his progress or simply visit with each other.

I accompanied John on many of these daily anniversary celebrations and as the cancer progressed and the treatment continued, it became more difficult for everyone to maintain a positive celebratory state of mind. We played games with his dad, read aloud to him and brought in friends and family to visit.

On the 40th anniversary day, John’s dad lost the battle with the big “C” and passed on. While I am certain that the daily anniversary celebrations comforted his dad, they also served to chronicle the last days of his life as indelible and positive memories for John.

Ladies-only St. Patrick's party

A night of fun and relaxation

Several years ago, I was told about an unusual Saint Patrick’s Day Party format that seems like a good idea today. In fact, I’m going to offer to arrange it to my wives for her friends this coming year. She generally is very skeptical about my ideas but I think this one will be an easy sale. I told her the format for the party is very simple. Her party would be for ladies only; the only men attending would be servers and entertainers.

Assuming she gives the go-ahead, I will do the following to arrange the Saint Patrick’s Day Party:

Arrange for a party venue such as a rental hall or party room.
Contract with a catering company for party foods such as; lime flavored and colored chicken wings, guacamole salad with chips, green hummus with spinach pita chips and Irish Nachos which are made with waffle-cut fried potato chips and dressed with cheese, refried beans, avocado slices, jalapeno peppers and topped with sour cream.
Order up plenty of green beer as well as Guiness and some Irish whisky.
Have the caterer provide several mature males to serve the ladies food and drink and perform the cleanup so the ladies don’t have to exert themselves.
Work with a local talent company to supply one or two entertainers who are scantily dressed in Leprechaun outfits, who speak in an Irish brogue and dance.
I will even enlist the husbands to drop off and pick up the ladies at the party location so they don’t have to drive after enjoying the party.

Celebrate a Six Month Anniversary?

Don't Look for Trouble

When a couple reach the six month anniversary of their time together, it’s important for both partners to discuss whether or not to celebrate it. One or the other of the couple may not be ready to take one more step toward a permanent relationship and simply want to keep things casual. In fact, my opinion is that a big celebration is potentially dangerous to the relationship and should be avoided. The more grandiose the celebration the greater the expectations for the relationship become.

The reason is that one of the partners may unconsciously regard the celebration as a commitment and the other may be afraid that the relationship is moving much too fast. However, if both wish to celebrate, I believe the best way is to keep it fun and loose without expensive, long-term gifts or elaborate planning. An elaborate celebration puts more pressure on the relationship.

A good idea is to keep the celebration simpler by planning a dinner at a favorite restaurant followed by a movie or concert. Reserve a room at an affordable hotel for a night of romance. If gifts are given—and it should not be necessary—they should be kept at minimum expense, and instead given for their meaning to the recipient. Examples are a small silver locket with picture of the couple for the lady and an inexpensive ring inscribed with the lady’s name for the man.

If the romance lasts and the couple stay together there will be many years ahead to celebrate in style.

Lou's Batchelor Anniversary Party

Non-traditional Anniversary Party

One of my friends whom we will call Lou—with whom I have lost track of in recent years—was a strange and, some married women say, a dangerous man. Not dangerous in the physical sense because no one had a better sense of humor or loved having a good time more than he did.

Lou was dangerous because he was a committed bachelor; he celebrated being a bachelor. His friends stuck with him after they got married because he was such an agreeable guy. Of course and understandably, their wives hated Lou and his bachelor ways.

In addition to taking regular hunting and fishing trips, staying out to all hours at night and eating steak every day, he had one tradition that he followed faithfully each year that drove his friend’s wives absolutely nuts.

Lou celebrated the anniversary of his bachelorhood every year on July 31^st, the date his divorce became final some years previously. He held a full-fledged anniversary party at a major hotel banquet room and followed the same traditional routine, with a few major changes, that a married couple of many years would employ.

He saved his money during each year and spent it on a blow-out anniversary party. Lou invited all his male friends—whether married or single—and started off the party with a five course seated meal.

The meal was followed by a comedic guest speaker who took the opportunity to “roast” married men in general, in a funny, friendly kind of way. Next, several of Lou’s friends stood at the microphone to testify to his love of bachelorhood and extol the virtues of Lou’s commitment. The anniversary cake was then wheeled into the banquet room. It was always a huge cake decorated with hearts and flowers and everyone congratulated Lou on his number of years of bachelorhood.

The guest speaker returned to introduce the entertainment, which was usually an exotic strip show or pole dancing routine, featuring a beautiful woman or two or three. The bar opened and everyone lined up to get an after dinner drink or two or three.

Lou, of course, was opening gifts at the long table reserved for them. Everyone brought a gift, some were useful for a man on his own and some were downright pornographic, but Lou enjoyed them all. The anniversary party went on well into the night.

I would like to think Lou is still out there somewhere, planning next year’s anniversary bash.

Outdoor Anniversary Party

Indoor or Outdoor Anniversary Party

Planning a wedding anniversary party for parents or close friends is a responsibility that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Even a modestly large anniversary party can be very expensive and thoughtful planning can lower it significantly. The planning should begin well before the scheduled event.

There is a great deal to be said for outdoor anniversary parties:

The cost is dramatically lower. The money can be saved or put toward better anniversary presents.
More people can be invited due to the lower cost.
Kids, grandkids or great-grandkids can attend and have the run of the area. This makes it easier on the guests and allows the guests-of-honor to enjoy their offspring.
An outdoor party is much more casual and people do not feel trapped in a large inside dining room.

When planning an outdoor party, take the following steps:

Drive around city or state parks until you find an attractive area large enough to handle the number of guests you plan to invite.
Reserve the park space well ahead of time.
Check for sheltered areas or arrange to rent a tent or buy the number of backyard tents that you need for approximately the same price.
If there are not adequate picnic tables, or tables to place food and drinks on, make arrangements to rent them. Follow the same procedure with barbeque grills.
Make certain there are sanitary facilities close by or arrange to rent a portable-potty.
Make detailed maps on how to find the picnic area and include cell phone numbers for guests to call in case they get lost.
Arrange for outdoor sports equipment such as a volley ball and net, baseball equipment, soccer, Frisbees and basketballs. Encourage kids to bring water guns, jump ropes and other toys.
Talk with a local restaurant or catering company to bring out prepared food. Order more than you think is necessary. People are hungrier when active outdoors and the party could go on very late. The catered food makes the whole party much simpler and the cost is not tremendously greater than preparing it yourselves.
Have plenty of beverages on hand and extra ice chests with ice to hold leftover food.
Plan the same program you would plan for indoors. After the program is over, simply allow everyone to socialize, run and play.

Intimate Anniversary Tradition

Celebration at Home for Two

The days leading up to our wedding were full of excitement, enjoyment and anticipation. My fiancée and I were simply living the moment while allowing her big sister—much to her delight and satisfaction—to take plan the wedding.

We both had jobs downtown and I was unable to get any time off reasons at work. So, after the wedding, my wife and I drove out of town to a bed and breakfast for one night and the next day. It was a very short honeymoon and then it was back to work for both of us. At the time, we were so wrapped up in our new life that the one-day honeymoon was fine.

By the time of our first anniversary, we were still getting our finances lined out and couldn’t yet afford the real honeymoon we had talked about. So instead, my wife began an anniversary tradition that we observe to this day, 38 years later. While finances are not an issue today, our anniversary tradition is precious to ever give up, although it would appear to be a very simple one to most people.

I have a demanding job where I work at least six days a week and also travel extensively. It seems I am always at work no matter if our anniversary falls on a weekday or weekend. If I am traveling on our anniversary, we celebrate it on the very day I return.

My wife is now a homemaker and she spends the day preparing a delicious dinner with all the trimmings. I make it a point to get home on time so we can pour a glass of wine and enjoy her special chocolate covered fresh strawberries while we present each other with our anniversary gifts. We then have dinner and dessert and enjoy more wine before bathing and getting ready for a night together.

Our anniversary tradition just kind of developed on its own because in the beginning it was an affordable way to celebrate. We continued to build on it through the years as the expectation, ease and comfortableness endeared us to it.

Even if you decide to celebrate for a week in Maui or ride in hot air balloons in Albuquerque, I still recommend an intimate and quiet celebration of your marriage at home with the person you love.

Celebrate Life's Major Events

Anniversary Celebrations

We celebrate anniversaries of happy and positive occasions whether it is a long and successful marriage or a battle in which many lives were lost, but the cause was justly served. We set aside the day of the event’s happening as the day to celebrate the anniversary, but there are other anniversaries we don’t celebrate but do remember.

Any meaningful event in a person’s life is worthy of taking pause, remembering and reflecting upon. If the experience is impactful enough this process will take place repeatedly without conscious volition for a time after it occurs. But as time goes by, we no longer dredge up the memory because we believe we’ve mined it for all the lessons it contains; or it has simply sapped our energy and really doesn’t matter because it’s in the past and there is nothing we can do about it anyway.

This is especially true of poor decisions we have made in years gone by or behavior that we regret. The people affected by these bad decisions and behavior are likely gone and forever separated from the person you are today, and there is nothing to be done about rectifying your conduct back then.

Of course, this is not true. When such an incident occurs it will surface for years to come and we will be forced to examine it again and again. Every time the remembrance slips into our consciousness, we again regret our conduct back then; think about what could have been done differently and on some level we vow to never allow it to happen again. We become better because we force ourselves to learn from the errors in judgment that continue to haunt us.

This is the way we deal with the mistakes we make while living our lives. We don’t need to celebrate a given day for every mistake we make, the memories stir and make themselves known whenever they wish.

And besides, if we tried to do this, all of us would be celebrating every day of the year.

Surprise Anniversary Party

How to Give a Surprise Party

A surprise anniversary party to celebrate the number of years a couple has been married works no matter the age of the guests of honor. There is greater latitude when the couple is younger than when they are older. The party venue, day and time as well as the type of party itself

To begin with, the guests attending the anniversary party of an older couple are also generally older and their comfort must be taken into consideration. As an example, the anniversary of a young couple could be conducted at a popular nightspot with a private room for dinner and then dancing and drinks until the wee hours.

The party venue for an older couple could be more sedate—such as the home of a friend or relative—with less noise and more comfortable surroundings and timed to break-up at a reasonable hour.

The steps in planning a surprise anniversary party should include at least the following:

Quietly discuss several potential dates with some of the couple’s most treasured friends. They may provide some important input of which you are completely unaware.
Select a venue appropriate for the occasion and reserve it immediately
Choose a date several weeks into the future—not so long that the secret will get out, but long enough for invitees to plan ahead. Generally, Friday is the best day of the week to conduct an evening party, regardless of the age of the participants.
Use a combination of e-vite, snail-mail and personal notification to send out invitations. Regardless of the method used, caution everyone to maintain their silence so the surprise will be complete.
Stay in touch with the invitees from the point of notification to the surprise party itself. Continue to caution silence and give instructions to the guests such as:
- Guests should not park in front of the house the party is at since that would give away the surprise
- Someone influential with the guests-of-honor should be assigned to pick them up and deliver them to the correct venue at the proper time, on some pretext or the other, such as taking them to dinner. Of course, the driver “forgot” his wallet and has to stop by his house to pick it up
- Everyone should arrive at least 30 minutes prior to the guests-of-honor

When the anniversary couple arrives, everyone jumps out and yells surprise, but takes it easy on older couples, of course.

Benefits of Technology?

Better Off Without It?

It was truly a different world in 1980, and it requires someone who was a fully grown adult back then to be able to contrast it with the world of today. Regardless of the advances in technology in the years since the 80’s—or perhaps because of them—the world was a much freer place with few restrictions and many more options.

Go back 10 years in time from the beginning of any decade you choose and while there are undoubtedly many drawbacks regarding personal freedom and restrictions, I can’t think of any at the moment.

I did work hard in 1970 and I worked long hours, my job required every second of my attention so I could keep my head above water. It was 5PM one afternoon and I was still faced with several more hours of work when my secretary stopped by as she was leaving for the day. Normally, she simply “checked out” with me, said goodnight and left for home. This afternoon, however, what she said next felled me like I had been struck by a meteor. She asked if I was going to take off earlier than usual to celebrate my wedding anniversary. I had mentioned to her several days previously that today my wife and I were going to celebrate 10 years of marriage.

She immediately saw by my expression that I had completely spaced it. Stepping through the door she told me to drop what I was doing and come up with a plan, a good plan. She wished me good luck and left.

Now, regarding freedoms and restrictions and the benefits of living in 1970 when you have to come up with a credible anniversary plan on the fly. I knew it had to be good or she would intuitively know I had forgotten the occasion and was tap dancing to cobble something together.

I called my wife, told her, “Surprise!” and to hurry up and get dressed because I planned to “kidnap” for an evening of fun for our anniversary. I next called Southwest Airlines and made hurried reservations from our hometown Dallas, Texas to Austin—the state capitol and acknowledged party city, with every type of dining, dancing and attraction know to man. I picked up my wife, drove to the airport and we took off for Austin. We rented a car and took off to celebrate. Somewhere after line dancing at a country western club, after a barbecue restaurant and before we left a jazz club I lost my billfold. We continued on with our Anniversary celebration by using pocket cash.

When we made it to the hotel, I gave them the credit card number of my brother whom I had called and we went up to our room.

Back to the broader freedom and fewer restrictions that existed in 1970:

I called the airport and was not required to give any information other than a name.
We went to the ticket counter and picked up our tickets. We were allowed to fly one way to our destination without luggage or any questions. At the time we left, I was so hurried I was unsure when to make reservations back to Dallas.
My wife and I did not pass through or were slowed up by security, and showed up at the loading gate at the last possible moment to board the plane.
We received and enjoyed free alcoholic drinks throughout the entire one hour flight, as well as several offers of peanuts and chips.
After losing my billfold, we checked into the hotel without I.D. and without a credit card, only a number that could have come from anywhere.
Perhaps most amazing, I explained our situation the next morning to the lady at the ticket counter and she sold us a ticket without I.D. and once again with my brothers credit card number.
I am also certain that we left our luggage unattended for a period of time while we had breakfast at the airport.
Something I am not amazed about is several days after our return my billfold arrived intact in the mail at our home. Everything was there and no one stole my identity.

We lived in a time during the early 70’s when life was simpler without technology. People were much more trusting because we relied on each other since we didn’t have immediate access to information. We were also ignorant of the myriad ways to destroy and rip each other off. Those sorts of things had to be done face to face instead of crouching in a darkened basement in the glow of a computer screen.

I know I’m looking back through rose-colored glasses but that was the best impromptu anniversary celebration we ever had.

I also know the human race is infinitely better off as a result of technology. That is right, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

Japanese Anniversary Gifts

Gifts From Japan

Celebrating anniversaries in Japanese culture is a time honored tradition dating back thousands of years. When giving gifts to Japanese friends or relatives it’s important to give gifts that they relate to and appreciate. It also demonstrates the degree of regard you feel for them since you went to the time and trouble find just the right offering.

Japan and the United States share a mutual interest – bordering on obsession – in each other’s culture. For that reason, a traditional Japanese gift may be just the thing to give to a westerner.

Fortunately, Japan is rich in art as well as indigenous plants and very distinctive articles of clothing that would please anyone.

Artwork

An intricately designed origami piece in the form of a crane or rose is always appropriate for an anniversary. The origami artwork can be framed and hung for all to see as a statement of love and marital trust. Select a folding or screen fan – called an ogi – that conveys the message of love with symbols and intricate inscriptions that once deciphered tell the story you want to convey. Birds and cherry blossoms are powerful and popular symbols of love.

Fabric

Traditional Japanese silk kimonos are beautiful and extraordinarily comfortable and luxurious to wear. The fabric is chosen for the anniversary year such as cotton or calico for the second wedding anniversary or one of silk for the 13^th anniversary. Also, a kimono colored silver or gold is appropriate for the 25^th or the 50^th anniversary respectively.

Tea Set

A tea set is perhaps one of the items most associated with Japanese culture. They are elegant and for the couple who use it are excellent for display and regular use. The tea sets are generally colorful and beautifully formed. Make certain the set includes the pitcher, cups and saucers and all of the essential utensils.

Plants

Demonstrate your feelings regarding the recipient’s anniversary by giving a potted bamboo plant or a Japanese orchid. These gifts demonstrate your desire for the couples love to grow by giving them a long-lived plant that grows with their relationship.

When giving a gift to Japanese recipients take it to Japanese shop for wrapping; tell them the type of occasion and answer any other questions they may have. The wrapping is sometimes more important than the gift inside as it demonstrates the level of respect and regard you have for them.

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